The Ottermanempire.com » humor

Tweetards my ongoing attempt to make a recursive name to spotlight the act of social media douchebaggery.

Haltse — Tue, 26 May 2009 15:57:37 +0000

Twitters
Worst
Ephemera
Emanates-from
The
Arseholes
Retweeting – the
Douchebags – of
Social media

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Is it just my memory that lasts longer than 30 second commercials? Bloomberg is vocal the responsibilities of public figures that are not elected:)

Haltse — Tue, 02 Dec 2008 18:56:00 +0000

Don’t get me wrong there has to be consequences for carrying a loaded firearm into a nightclub that is discharged. Like a hole in the leg, pain and maybe the end of your athletic career. Still that’s not good enough we really have to show em:) Shame that the same zeal doesn’t apply to those that enforce the laws

Hospital suspends worker who failed to report NFL star’s gunshot – CNN.com

Bloomberg, who has long fought against illegal gun ownership, said public figures “make their living because of their visibility. They are the role models for our kids, and if we don’t prosecute them, to the fullest extent of the law, I don’t know who on Earth we would. It makes a sham, a mockery of the law.”

One word answer…..

Spitzer.

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Feeling Chipper vicar? I’d a ho smash my butt ( Uk Humor only;) )

Haltse — Sun, 02 Nov 2008 19:34:07 +0000

Vicar in casualty with spud stuck in backside | The Sun |News

The clergyman told stunned casualty nurses he fell backwards on to his kitchen table while hanging curtains.

He happened to be nude at the time of the mishap.

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23 squidoo An 8 armed action hero.

Haltse — Mon, 22 Sep 2008 19:14:27 +0000

Ok it’s an octopus but you can’t tell your cephalopods from a hole in the ground and your attitude, quick frankly , towards the cuttlefish stinks.

So just shut up and enjoy this animated appetizer ink his way into the history books.

Via Found on the web

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Doogie Howser WMD aka Dr Horrible’s sing along blog

Haltse — Tue, 22 Jul 2008 01:32:00 +0000

Fans of things Whedonesque have got a lot to be thankful for. This show may be instructive on proving that Unions still have a use That point is that whenever a sea change in technology ,be it media or improvements to manufacturing , education ( yeah right) they are always present in the role of societal Canute. I will grant you their role had value back in the early days but in the latter half of the 20C it’s been all about maintaining their power from that point on , the organization uber alles. I digress but this show is a product of the WGA strike and rumblings on who gets paid what in relation to online content from both sag and aftra. There’s a great post on that here from the closest thing to an objectivist I think you’ll find in media ( I saw closest as I am agnostic about their existence;)

Anyway this is a mini web series , three episodes, and other than note that anyone I know already has this , so , so who the hell am I telling? Frak that .

Think live action Venture brothers with a tad of Pinky tossed in. Seeing Captain Mal, er Hammer again rocks as the “good “ guy that wants to take the heroine on a tour of a VW’s rear , you know somewhere uncomfortable was great. It’s not like most web shows , ephemeral to the power of mayfly , you truly can watch and sing along more times that may be healthful:) Don’t be horrible, buy this , don’t rip it off as I want to see more, more more!

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Now this is a cunt of a problem. Reporting news without coming off as a bit of a pussy.

Haltse — Thu, 26 Jun 2008 01:54:00 +0000

I would have thought blasphemy to be a victimless crime. The funniest thing about the story was the article having cunt obscured as a word but a picture showing the same word on the t shirt. Maybe that’s why this is hard to take seriously

Silly Aussie, rights are for Amurrricans;)

ZGeek – Teen arrested for “Jesus is a Cunt” T-shirt

Quote:
It is blasphemous, will get you arrested and has sparked debate about Australia’s lack of a Bill of Rights.

Meet Cradle of Filth, an extreme metal band from England. Their offensive shirt that claims ‘Jesus is a (expletive deleted)’ and depicts a nun masturbating.

A 16-year-old was arrested on Monday for wearing the shirt and was charged with offensive behaviour under the Summary Offences Act 2005 for public nuisance.

Senior Sergeant Arron Ottaway said the teen was walking along Hollywell Road, in Biggera Waters, when a officer saw him.

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This is the kind of thing that “Dear Abby” didn’t cover: Otters eating kittens.

Haltse — Tue, 29 Apr 2008 06:10:50 +0000

Over at Yahoo Answers there are people that have the need to ask questions such as

Will an adult otter eat 10 week old kittens.?

It’s not someone looking for a cheap, but adorable,way to feed otters but the replies are great. So if the idea of kitten consumption offends I’d steer clear of this.

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German media / people prove Americans don’t monopolize the stupid headline

Haltse — Tue, 08 Apr 2008 23:24:26 +0000

A polar bear eats fish and people are surprised? Dummkopfs!

Now if the polar bear braided the hair of a little girl,Changed from Coke to Pepsi or migrated to the woods and then used a porta potty that may be news. Otherwise I think there’s a few more items that should be placed in that enclosure for the bear to play with:D

The Frankfurter Allgemeine news website reports that Knut “senselessly murdered the carp”, fishing them out, playing with them and then leaving the remains.

BBC NEWS | Europe | Shock at polar bear’s carp kill

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The most amusing tale of marsupial on man action since Skippy got into the peanut butter.

Haltse — Tue, 01 Apr 2008 02:14:36 +0000

This has to be The most amusing tale of marsupial on man action I’ve seen for a couple of weeks.

“I’ll retract the rape complaint from the wombat, because he’s pulled
out. Apart from speaking Australian now, I’m pretty all right you know.
I didn’t hurt my bum at all.”

Man sentenced over wombat rape claim – ABC News (Australian Broadcasting Corporation)

Prosecutors said alcohol played a large part in Cradock’s life, although his defence lawyer said he was not drunk on the afternoon of the phone calls.

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Proving my point : There’s a blog, forum and podcast for everyone. one of Man’s oldest diseases makes it to the information age.

Haltse — Thu, 27 Mar 2008 22:45:22 +0000

One of the ways I “sell” podcasts and blogs to people is by telling them that no matter how esoteric their interests are that there is likely to be a blog , forum and podcast about it. Yep even the people with embarrassing conditions have groups. ( no they are not the same as churches but a good guess my cynical reader;) )

Seriously my reivers diet of flesh , blood and offal when combined with inactivity has not only caught up with me it’s taken an early lead. That is going to stop. Oh that an my ancestors. Bastards that’s why we never invite you around to dinner ( Oops riffing off DNA there)

Dark Ages..

Dr’s , medical journal and chance running into people with the same condition. Unlikely. The most you get is a pamphlet of organizations that survive by your condition surviving:D So you get 2-3 xeroxed copies

Today.

If I relied on the hand outs , about gout, without a doubt I’d be a more depressed otter. As it is, and as it seems to be with most conditions, the cause and effect has been established by the women in white coats, a reduction of Xtra beef causes less whY does this hurt? Sadly it’s mostly the widest bromides with information that is taken from the most extreme cases and then generalized into rules for everyone. E.g Low sodium. for those that need it great, sadly that means “everyone” since the medical people don’t want to send wrong messages. e.g hey ethnic group a : you are more at risk from this but to make you feel better we’ll tell everyone to do the same. Same with gout.

Now I have to work out what’s true for me.

Gout Pal Interactive – Discuss Gout Symptoms and Treatments With Friendly Gout Sufferers

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Expelled the movie. The funniest hypocrites on the block.

Haltse — Fri, 21 Mar 2008 05:59:48 +0000

I’m not going to spoil this one. Suffice to say that reality beats fiction any day. Sadly Adams is no longer around to make this stuff up but the residents of the B ark are quite happy to fill in.

You never know in some far out universe , on some very lucky day you may win against the forces of idiocy.

Pharyngula: EXPELLED!

I’m still laughing though. You don’t know how hilarious this is. Not only is it the extreme hypocrisy of being expelled from their Expelled movie, but there’s another layer of amusement. Deep, belly laugh funny. Yeah, I’d be rolling around on the floor right now, if I weren’t so dang dignified.

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A quick neologism for these times when people will believe anything .

Haltse — Fri, 01 Feb 2008 05:27:08 +0000

New word from me:

Psycnic : Someone that sees the future and knowing that it was going to suck anyway

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It’s 2k8 and there’s no KLF song to rage against this year. Damn.

Haltse — Thu, 03 Jan 2008 05:10:40 +0000

Greetings.

Happy new year, at least one of the many calenders that are out there. I prefer the dragons and fireworks
myself to the irony of the “timeless” Dick Clark looking like didn’t go down
to Georgia, but over to Switzerland instead and lost a watch building contest
with “Old Harry”, but I digress. Let’s start out 2008 with a positive message.

I am positive that elections are a great excuse to get more people blog, vlog
, ne demagogue this upcoming election with a torrent of user generated content
seeded by MSM sources ( Oh dear I’ve gone negative early… )

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Kid’s whine turns into another grape pun

Haltse — Tue, 01 Jan 2008 04:28:06 +0000

To our toddler when shopping at Bev Mo(Drink supermarket for non US types) in the wine section.

one day you’ll turn from something smellier to a sommelier,

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You’re McFuckin’ kidding me? Surely this is taking the McPiss . UK MacDonalds take on their customers.

Haltse — Fri, 14 Dec 2007 08:08:52 +0000

This is one of those tales I love. Most people here don’t believe me when I said that the UK was so hostile to car drivers that just being able to find somewhere to drive it and park was a chore. Pay the toll to get over the bridge, pay the toll to get into the city, pay to park etc. Now it looks like McDonald’s in the UK have decided that it’s in their interests to send $150 fines to people who have the gall( they probably have that minced up in their happymeal ) to eat their and pay for the meal. The UK people don’t seem to be ba da da da daaaa loving it. So that’s funny. What’s funnier and I have this debate quite a lot is that just because you hire a third person to be a dick on your behalf doesn’t make you less culpable just highlights how crass you are. Hey customers we’ve paid a company to shit in your food but since we don’t profit from it, swallow ok? See how it goes. Eat lunch one day, get fined, refuse to pay get a larger fine, then they take you by force and it all goes pear shaped. If you need to commit a crime in the UK mug someone . You’ll get less of a fine, some assistance with education, rented accommodation and some money .. just don’t park while beating the shit out of the pensioner.

McParking row as slow eaters given heavy fines | The Guardian | Guardian Unlimited

McDonald’s in effect washed its hands of the charge, saying it had been imposed by Civil Enforcement and the burger giant did not profit from it.

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Putting my reader’s goodwill in Jeopardy. I’ll take repetition for$23

Haltse — Wed, 12 Dec 2007 19:18:44 +0000

Iz affy crew ell this but He’s nae Scottish, ergo crap an aws fair in love an wahr:)

Ms Erin over at otterpupdesigns.com knocked this one out.

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Oh noes, I can’t stop myself from perpetuating a meme

Haltse — Wed, 12 Dec 2007 06:19:31 +0000

Oddly enough this is my first submission to a site and I know there’s a better caption there but I am not able to reach it presently.

moar funny pictures

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Ah’ll take OTC medicines that you need for $400

Haltse — Tue, 11 Dec 2007 20:47:45 +0000

The Question is

“Things I need to avoid a heart attack”

Wot ish ashprin ye gaping eejit

“ye fell on yer arsh Trebek.”

Alex Trebek has heart attack – CNN.com

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I was so sure it was a typo .. Decrees seemed to more historically accurate..

Haltse — Mon, 22 Oct 2007 03:44:20 +0000

This is news? Isn’t the Pope meant to be against violence and the headline is about as revelatory as say nurses care for people. Crap that’s a bad example since most nurses that I’ve encountered have been hiding behind their choice of paying the rent as somehow being morally superior to others but that’s a massive post not at all brought on by Erin’s recent trauma trip and the staff’s propensity to ignore any info provided, follow up on any action they said they would on the first request and kept her in the dark nearly all the time re her options. Anyway a man in a dress thinks there’s a problem with intolerance then proceeds to state that in effect theirs is the true religion is amusing.

BBC NEWS | Europe | Pope decries ‘religious’ violence

Pope Benedict XVI has urged world religious leaders not to allow God’s name to be used to justify violence.

“Religions must never become vehicles for hatred,” the Pope told the leaders attending a peace summit in Naples.

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The hockey brawl of the decade.. Slow motion aggro.

Haltse — Tue, 16 Oct 2007 04:19:02 +0000

You know I never did write up my first outing to the Coyotes game. I must have liked it because we’re going back this Thursday night and considering seeing the local league play as well as the occasional national league. One of the more surreal moments within the event was between one of the periods some very jnr players took to the ice. The change of pace from 200lbs men covering the court in seconds vs toddlers chasing the puck was XXX to their O.J’s wild bronco ride.. Anyway this is fricking hilarious .
Pee Wee Hockey Brawl – Watch more free videosPee Wee Hockey Brawl Video

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Oh Noes, I haz ‘nother gawd to dizbeleaf The LOLCat bible .. What hath ceiling cat wrought?

Haltse — Tue, 09 Oct 2007 05:54:54 +0000

This made my night. It’s the best thing to happen to the Bible since the General Synod’s Life of Christ.

John 3:16

So liek teh Ceiling Cat lieks teh ppl lots and he sez ‘Oh hai I givez u
my only son and ifs u beleevs in him u wont evr diez no moar, k?’

Main Page – LOLCat Bible Translation Project

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A new game show, sport for fat people or just an idea whose time has come.

Haltse — Mon, 03 Sep 2007 06:22:47 +0000

Having keep myself abreast of the degeneration of games shows into games with degenerates I would like to state that for the record I’m not only smarter than a 5th grader ( sorry Ender but you’re fictional, failing that there’s the old adage of might making right but that’s another story. ( no seriously, democracy = Might makes right with better record keeping)

I want to take my frustration out on the employees of the fast food world, their managers, their managers and the people that eat at them ( oops I’m shooting myself here)

There’s going to be five levels.

Contestants must work for a chain restaurant that’s considered fast food.
The chains have to be large enough to cover several states.

The premise? People being offered a way out of their “McJobs” while relying on their fellows competence to get them there. Yes you order food, you go to a fast food location at lunchtime and hope they get the order right. Maybe by the million you fly the person to a random outlet so there’s no collusion likely ( It’s a million bucks after all)

Start off with $5 which if the order you make is completed correctly you win $500
$10 wins you $1000
$25 wins you $25000
$50 wins you $100000
$100 wins you the million

I was thinking of having outs like “call the manager”, or “supersize me” but.. dammit I want them to get an inkling of how frustrating it is to order 20 times in a month between us as a couple yet 3/4 of the time have a sub $10 order be incorrect, missing elements or my favorite another cars order.

This can be done only once, no repeats which is more than can be said for the food.

One of my life rules .. never eat food that costs less than the medication it would take to correct.

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Sexualizing car parts : assault on a battery

Haltse — Mon, 13 Aug 2007 18:01:01 +0000

This exchange just took place when I was discussing my Aerio’s battery taking a dirt nap.

The lead in was that it’s either the serpentine, the alternor or the battery as the likely candidate. It leads to musing on the problems of being a motor that turns the ” wrong way”

me: just a friggin motor that’s confused about it’s orientation

dz: poor motor, good pt! lol

me: I think mine’s bi postal

but i didn’t want to pry

dz lol!!!

me: it leads

dz : leave it it’s privacy!

me: an ALTERNATE lifestyle!!!!

dz : LMAO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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